Long Hair, Do Care

And no I am not talking about my extensions people; I actually have managed to grow my hair some-what-long. Not Duggar long, but enough for me to realize that whoever said Long Hair, Don’t Care didn’t have long hair.

Either that or they were the 1 in 100,000,000 females who have long, wavy, thick, gorgeous hair that could be on a shampoo commercial.

If you are a NORMAL person with long hair, this is what it is really like:

1.     Hair in my face while in the car

2.     Hair in my face while exercising

3.     Hair in my face with a slight breeze

4.     Hair in my face, basically, all the time

5.     Hair in my food

6.     Hair in my mouth while I am trying to eat food

7.     Hair getting sucked into my hair dryer

8.     Hair balls, not dust, all over the apartment

9.     Hair in the drain – gag

10.   Hair in the carpet, in the bed, in the car, on my clothes, on the counter, on the table...

11.   Hair everywhere but on my head

12.   Spending extra money on shampoo

13.   Spending extra money on conditioner

14.   Spending extra money on products that don’t work on my shitty hair

15.   Spending extra money to pay for the extra hair color on my extra hair

16.   Spending extra time washing, drying, brushing and "styling" my extra hair

Basically, I thought I could walk out of the shower, air dry my hair and it would would look like this:

And instead it looks like this:

Did you notice I snuck in ANOTHER Duggar reference. Love those guys.

A love letter....

Dear Future Husband,

It seems like only yesterday that you honked at me as I ran down 14^th. That was that moment I knew my life had changed.

 Who would have thought the double tapping of a horn could have such an effect on a woman?

It may have been way you whistled, shouting, “Hey Baby, lookin finnneee.” – that really tugged at my heart strings. The words slipping like poetry off of those dry, cracked lips. Plus, I always knew the man I would marry had to be able to whistle.  

It could have been the way the sun hit your skin as you hung out of your ’98 Ford pick-up or the sight of your arm fat flapping as you slapped the side, knocking off some of the paint on that rusting blue beauty.

Maybe it was the high five you gave your friend after. The two of you, just off the graveyard shift at the plant, friends since high school – or at least the one grade you both finished. Friendship is the key to a loving marriage, and I can tell yours are the kind that last.

I don’t know where I would be if you had decided to drive by, quietly, not speaking your admiration for my ass.

 Yes, baby. You had me at the honk and I knew I was yours forever….

Sincerely,

Random girl just trying to friggen exercise.

We aren’t obese; we just argue politics through Chick-fil-A and Oreos.

I am starting to wonder…. if Mc. Donalds took a stance for or against gay marriage would the population of obese people in our country decrease?

As it stands, we have the anti-gay-rights Americans boycotting eating Oreos because of the Rainbow Oreo. We have pro-gay-rights Americans boycotting eating Chick-fil-A for their stance on gay marriage.

And although I am sure the pro-gay-rights Americans appreciate JC Penny’s same-sex ads, I am almost positive NO ONE is shopping there. Oh wait, sorry we were talking about food, got a little distracted from the point.

The point is, really there is no point.

Why are we discussing the issues through junk food? Maybe we should all go run off our anger. Or mind our own business. Or VOTE to change the issues that bother us.

Why are we choosing what to eat or not based on our belief system?

…Because we are AMURICANS.

And no matter how much our opinions differ, we will take any excuse to eat something and prove a point.

                                                     (Image via Reddit)

Mind Laxative

I feel like I’ve been in a real rut lately. Writing, work, running, blah, blah, blah, blah – I am even too lazy to finish this sentence.

I don’t know what it is, but I am either too happy to blog or too annoyed to blog. I can’t find myself in that sweet spot that allows me to transfer the thoughts in my head into something (somewhat) funny or enjoyable to read.

And all of the blogs I’ve started are just idling in my brain. I need some Mind Laxative. But because they don’t make that, I have decided to unload some clips unfinished blogs on you. If this goes anything like using the bathroom after a long day a work, I’ll be back to my old self in no-time:

•        I learned pretty quickly that the one with the best candy has the most friends and unlike some things you do in the office, you can’t half-ass the selection in your candy dish.
•     I don’t know if it’s because I am just spoiled at work or what. But sometimes when I get home I just stare at the sink like it’s going to turn on.
•     I don’t understand how people are bad kissers. I mean what Disney movies did you watch growing up? Because in none of the movies I watched did I ever see a scene where the Prince eats the princesses entire face. Like really, stop eating my face.
•           So Bruce Springsteen is in town. I have never seen so many drunk Moms, in leather & cut-offs reliving their glory days.
•     For instance, what the heck is up with how awkward and nerdy everyone acts when they get on the jumbo screen. Like we forget what social norms are. We need Brad Pitt to come in and remind everyone what being cool is, because you just drooled and waved like an idiot on a screen in front of 30,000 people (ok so I know at an Indians game these days that is exaggerating…)

And on that note, I would like to leave you with one last thought that would have made it into an "Awkward Baseball Traditions" blog, if I could think of something witty to say about why doing the Wave is weird. Introducing, Bad Luck Brian.

You call me snobby, but I just dont think you have any taste

Call it wasteful and stupid. I am a coffee snob and it's so worth it.


Besides the general quality and taste of coffee from some establishments, the following experience was when I decided that I could no longer lower my standards:


I had been frequenting McDonalds for an iced latte.. Gross, I know. BUT, it saved time and money. Two things I am always running low on.


I probably went through the drive-thru everyday for two weeks. Same drink. Same people. Until last finally, on a Monday their espresso machine was down. This caused me to miss out on my morning coffee and made my co-workers had to deal with an especially grouchy form of myself.


The next day, in good faith, I returned - It was still broken. Definently annoying but not damaging. I decided to skip coffee for a few days. My next attempt was Monday of tthe next week when I was running late for our 8:30 call, as always, and I swung through McDonalds for a quick latte. And shocking, the stupid machine was still broken.


Dont you think that a alot of their morning traffic is coffee drinks? Shouldn't they fix that after a whole week? Should be a priority.You would think, right?


On the flip side, this morning I went to Erie Island. This being after I had stopped by a few times last week during my McCafe haitus and a few times the week or two prior due to a change in my morning schedule.


I walked in, the girl knew what I wanted , even though I am not a real regular, and had it ready by the time I paid. The same thing is always true for  Civilization which I frequent in Cleveland. Their espresso machines would never be broken for a week, the coffee tastes better and it's nice to get the smiling face of a barista every once in a while - they are cool people (I would know I was one for a summer).


Plus, the people at my work dont wash the coffee pot, ever. So there is no argument there.





(PS: At least I'm not these girls)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUpY1BT9Xf4

So... am I less wise today or something?

I had my wisdom teeth removed on Friday. Mostly because I was hoping the toothfairy, the ice cream fairy and/or the prescription medication fairy would pop in after.

And I'll have you know that I am not a big fan of the dentist or similar affairs. I like having clean teeth. I appreciate the dentist's work. I HATE having people prod around in my mouth with metal tools scraping and poking my gums.

So, needless to say I went into this with a not-so-open mind. Plus, here is some of the things friends and co-workers said to me in the week prior:

• I hope you wake up
• Dude, you're going to look like a chipmunk. Maybe even Rhianna
• There is NO way you are going to make it into the office Monday, I was out ALL spring break
• I hope your mom takes a YouTube Video of you
• Ohhh, so you get a prescription huh........

Indeed, I did wake up. I didn't have ANY swelling. I did make it into the office today. My mom did NOT take a Youtube video of me (although I am a little peeved she may have just ruined my 15 minutes of fame). And I DID get a prescription.....no, I am not sharing.


I am still checking to see if they actually did anything, because it was all too easy. Maybe I was just lucky. Either that or some kid is going to kick a ball at my face in the next few weeks and give me a karma-filled black eye.

Either way, because it was so uneventful..here is a nice drugged up picture of myself with gauze shoved in my mouth. The only half-interesting thing to come out of this adventure.

**Also, as you can tell I have been trying to update the look of my blog. I have no clue what I am doing, so for now enjoy the picture me in an Indians snuggie.

Better to lose a lover than to love a loser

....One of my followers tweeted that today and I hate to admit that I smiled just a little. I'm not sure if it was because I've dated my fair share of losers, or if it was because I was imagining myself punching her for posting that shit. Why would I punch her? Because this is totally one of those quotes girls make glittery, photoshopped, dramatic backgrounds of for their phones and laptops just in case they feel like texting their ex.


It is their "Be keep calm and carry on" message. Their reminder that "Nobody is worth your tears, but the one who is wont make you cry." That last ditch effort to "dance in the rain, cherish the moment and forget the pain."


Good god women. You embarrass me.


Stop doing that shit.


But really, besides the obvious fact that we should all stop dating losers...why do some women feel compelled create cheesy posters to cheer themselves up? Next time consider a run or silently crying into a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Either way, please, please, please stop making these:

Because every guy wants a damaged girl...

Or a slut

and I'm not sure who Kevin Dela Cruz is but he should be afraid. Really.

Happy V*$&#^@(#'s Day

I am almost positive that I haven’t had a valentine since highschool. Ok, that might not be completely true. My mom DID send me holiday care packages in college, and I think one was Valentine’s Day themed.



But despite the fact that I am going to come across as a member of some single, man-hating cult with this post, I am here to say screw this holiday.


I am not saying screw love. Or happy people. Or people who take the holiday for what it really is: Just a day to remind someone that you love them. I mean, I was sure to tell my barista that I loved her this morning – because without her everyone in my office might not have survived as long as they have.


I am saying screw everyone who thinks being single is a disease.
 I’d like to remind everyone, despite sounding cocky, I could have a valentine today if I really wanted to. Being in a relationship is not that hard. You just don’t have to be choosy. You mainly have to feel bad enough about yourself that you ALWAYS need someone else in your life to validate you.


I choose to be single until I meet someone that I care enough about to give them my time.


And then they get to know me, run away and I am single again, but that’s not that point.


And I still haven’t died from being single yet. And I am pretty sure that you won’t either.


So for all the happy people in relationships right now, Congrats. I am proud of you, I really am. Happy Valentine’s Day.


And for all of the people who aren’t. Stop crying, you will never find someone else with your eyes all puffy and red like that, will you?

.....and whatever you do, just dont be this girl (via REDDIT):

It's 2012!!!!

Here is my internal dialogue from 2012 thus far:

…Welcome, resolutions and the beginning of the end of the world.

…Hello, new guy at the gym. You look like to you are really riding fast. Maybe tomorrow you can try moving up to resistance 1 – if you’re back.

…Why yes, I did notice the refrigerator was full of salad containers and lean cuisines today. I wonder if that’s why they are cleaning the fridge out on Friday? That stuff builds up fast when no one’s actually eating it.

….Sure, I think it’s a great idea you center your Qi (chi)  I love using that in Words with Friend too, although I try not to limit myself to the center of the board.

….I agree, you should get rid of him. It didn’t make sense yesterday in 2011, but today, in 2012, I am sure it is completely different.

…Wow, that positive attitude you have today really makes me want to add that to my list of resolutions. At least until the copier runs out of paper again, then I will be reminded the world is conspiring to make my life harder.

....It's ok, I don't think eating 4 cookies today will mess up your new diet. You just started it right?

...Of course, taking the elevator makes sense. You are so famished from not eating that you wouldn't want to burn any extra calories on the stairs.

...I agree, it's really hard to get motivated to work harder today. I mean it is the first day back after the holidays.

My resolution for this year: stop being so damn sarcastic.

And blog more.

We'll see about either. I had to quit watching Mad Men to write this. Made me happy :-|