I am Told That Easy Bake Ovens are NOT Tanning Beds for Barbies

I think I am starting to worry my family. I can't decide if they think I am a lesbian, a boy or if they are concerned that I am in fact destined to be a spinster. I like to think that a cougar is a more appropriate term for what I may turn into.

When I was young, I am sure they were at least a little bit concerned. It may have been because I cut all of my Barbie's hair off and dipped her head-first into blue dye or because I asked to play pee-wee football. However, my bets are that the major concern came after I burnt my first easy bake oven "cake" and decided that this particular toy was better served for melting action figures. Luckily, at that age they could hope that I would grow out of it.

And I did. I got more into clothes, kept a core group of friends that were girls and had more than enough high school boyfriends to go around.

However, recently I think that tinge of doubt has been re-ignited. As it stands, the running joke in my family is that I tend to be the "extra wheel" in most situations. Dinner with my family includes (but is not limited to): my dad and his girlfriend, my 18-year-old brother and his girlfriend and my sister and her husband - putting me in the position as the designated 7th wheel. I like to think that I broke the record as the 23rd wheel once - just sayin.

Sometimes, I ask my grandma if I can bring one of my friends to dinner to fill my guest’s spot. I feel bad because I think she gets her hopes up thinking this may be it - she is meeting my future husband. Sadly, it usually ends up being one of my good girl friends. After these nights, I think she hints that she will "love me no matter what."

Fueling their worries, I am sure, is that fact that I had only one sort-lived boyfriend in college, who barely survived my cynical outlook on dating. Also, that I like to claim that I don't intend on getting married until I am at least 30, which I sometimes wonder if they think is a way for me to put off coming out. However, what seems to concern people most is that I often whole-heartedly comment on the obvious: "If you have kids, they follow you around for the rest of your life. Like really, you are stuck with them FOREVER” (this is where your sandlot voice comes into play.) I kind of feel bad about that one, but only a little.

I suppose that it is true I tend to be more of a tomboy at times. I can also admit I am a huge critic of the "American Family Tradition." But let me assure you family, I am not a lesbian ...or a boy. However, I still can't promise that I won't use the kitchen stove to melt things.